Things That Piss Me Off 2.0

Hello all and welcome to another installment of "Things That Piss Me Off"!
As I sit here in my apartment by myself I realized a bunch of things piss me off, call me a curmudgeon or a 80 year old man who hates children on his lawn but c'mon, there is a BUNCH of stupid shit going on in the world. I'd like to point these things out and bitch about them. I'm cleansing myself of these so-called "irritants".

1. Late Night TV Ads

You make me feel like a jackass. I sit here eating a roll up filled with gummi bears (sucking on it, for slower consumption and heightening the flavor experience)and all I see are these people who used to be fat like me and say they lost a googleplex amount of weight just by drinking these certain shakes! Just let me enjoy my insomnia, please. Stop making me feel fatter than I already am. You just gave me a complex.

2. Tim Tebow / Tim Tebow Haters

Okay, I don't hate the kid, honestly. But the fact that he's a less than mediocre QB getting this much media attention makes my head explode. Its like watching a car accident, staring into the sun or seeing some 16 year old girl attempt her damnedest to parallel park in the winter. You cannot pull away for the life of you.

And as for his vehement and fierce love for Jesus Christ? Go him. You let that pro-Christianity flag fly.So soak in your fifteen minutes of fame, or start excelling in your job and prove all these douchers wrong. His 4th quarter heroics has to stop sometime, right? Right? All I know is that this kid is very interesting to watch. And it pisses me off.

3. Country Music

Congrats! You, to no avail completely sucked every last drop of respectable music out of the veins of your genre! Huzzah, celebrate! Does anyone miss Vince Gil, Garth Brooks, and Alan Jackson? They told stories. Moving, deep stories. Now country music tells me about red solo cups and that you should fill them up (I'm guessing with low grade liquor, or Keystone Light), how boys are mean, that I should 'ride' cowboys, and that I should love a man how a dog loves said man.

Re-fucking-dicious.

I remember when country music was to be respected...I swear Shania Twain ruined it all with her slutty country-ness. I don't like that country is trying to get more mainstream. I can get behind acts like Sugarland but they're still so poppy sounding, it isn't the same. I can safely say 80% of music in the past 5 years have blown, very hard. Or maybe I like my music so obscure now because I'm a hipster.

4. Small Towns

Yes, small towns you piss me off the most lately. Hey guys have you ever wondered how it would be like to go to Highschool and NEVER LEAVE? That's how it feels like to live in a small town. PS: A small town to me is ANYTHING out of the metro area. Also, if you don't have a Panera, Chipotle, or Noodles & Co you're small.

I'm aware some of you that are reading this is from a small town, don't get me wrong I like YOU as a person I just have seething HATE when people get together and decide its soooooooo boring the only fun is to drink, and talk shit about people. I don't get why people talk shit about other people.
Do you hate yourself? Does it feel good to make someone else feel like shit? Are you honestly that bored? Did someone hurt you as a child? Shut your fucking mouth and get a hobby or something. That doesn't mean make drugs, you silly kids. I mean making drugs is a painstaking task in itself and you'd have to be some-what smart to do these things but I think there's already enough meth labs in the Midwest to make an atomic bomb feel inferior.

5. Cleaning agents

You either make me want to throw up or hold my breath until I get light headed. You also make me think that "If it smells good....you should be able to drink it, right?"
Please tell me I'm not the only person who's smelled orange glo and thought "If it tasted as good as it smelled, I'd drink the shit out of that" because that has passed my mind a few times. Same goes for you, dish soap. I want to eat your vanilla lavender essence so bad it HURTS.

6. Kids Without Leashes

Kids. Need. Leashes. My parents opted out of using one on me and ended up just growing my hair out and making me wear hoodies. I'm guessing that was cheaper and less of an eyesore. Every time I see a kid with a leash I do cringe but then I think, hey kids are stupid and they'll run off even if they're holding your hand.

True story, I almost died running into the middle of 50th and France but my mom grabbed my hair. I told her if I held my arms in front of me the car would've stopped. Boy was I ever stupid, I mean I was cuter than shit and I possibly could've had some special superpowers but guys who am I kidding? Kids are stupid, or maybe I was the ONLY kid stupid enough to run into the middle of the street without thinking of the consequences. Put kids in leashes and don't give them red dye, you'll thank me later.




Okay, now everyone lets have a nice group hug. Ahhhh. That was nice, wasn't it?

Contentment, I has it.

The past year my life has been a roller coaster. Moved from place to place never feeling safe but I can finally say I feel content with my life right now, and its in a place I never thought I'd find it.

You all know I'm a city girl through and through, that I soak up the buzz of the city like a sponge. I love always knowing there is something to do and people to see. So its odd to say that I'm not fighting to get back to the cities, even though I see myself living back there again.

I am now living in a town of almost 20,000 which in my eyes is VERY SMALL and heres the shocker; I'm OKAY with it. My mind and body is in the city but my soul right now at the moment is down here. Everything seems slower, more calm and collected and not being around the rush of the city is soothing my soul a bit, even though I'm a waitress now. Its oddly comforting and relaxing. I'm weird, right?

I can finally collect my thoughts and look at my life and really decide what roads I want to take.


In other news:

!!!!!! I FINALLY saw Robert Plant in concert. Seeing him might have helped my contentment I've had because its one thing I never thought I'd be able to do. I was so close to him I could see the marks of all the years he's been alive and kicking some serious fucking ass as one of the best front men in all the land. He moves across the stage like he's moving the music and not the music moving him. Its something everyone needs to see, this man is pure utter brilliance, with amazing hair.


Oh, and here is your daily picture of cuteness, even though its also kind of sad:




ITS A KITTEN WITH A CAST. SOCUTEANDSAD.